


Qrow Branwen's collection of stupidity

by Wolfling21



Category: RWBY
Genre: Crack, Crack Fics involving Qrow Branwen, Drabble Collection, Drunk Bird! Qrow meets a plushie, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, It's Qrow... seriously now, Multi, Why are we not at all surprised?, i blame stress and lack of sleep, it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt, the craziness my brain comes up with
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-10-26 17:40:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10791489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfling21/pseuds/Wolfling21
Summary: Catch all drabbles of stupid shit that  Qrow Branwen gets up to in some shape and form.May contain pairings and other definitely other characters... cuz otherwise there won't be anyone to laugh at Qrow.Tags to be added as needed





	1. What the hell does Oobleck drink?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lamia of the Dark (VisceraNight)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisceraNight/gifts).



> A very hyper Bird!Qrow is a slightly amusing but very annoying thing.
> 
> Contains implied Oobleck/Port and Ozpin/Goodwitch

"Shut the door. Quickly." 

Glynda did as she was told and looked at the assembled staff.

Peach, Port, Oobleck and even Ironwood and Taiyang were there... staring up towards the inner working of the clock above them.

"This is not the welcome I was expecting. What are we looking at?" She asked.

"Qrow." Ozpin said simply.

She looked up, searching for a dark head of hair or a flash of red fabric... but only saw shadows.

"He's resting now. He should be at it again momentarily." Port said.

"Yes, yes. Without a doubt. Welcome back Glynda." Oobleck chattered at his usual speed.

"Is Qrow caterwauling again?" She asked.

"I wish." Taiyang sighed.

"Unfortunately no... this is much worse." James sighed.

Above them there was a squawk and then Glynda saw a black bird burst out the shadows of one of the gears.

"Glynda if you would use your semblance to capture him and deposit him into the cage our dear Professor Peach has kindly provided." Ozpin said.

Glynda reached out with her semblance, stopping Qrow in midair and with her riding crop... carefully maneuvered him down from amongst the gears and into the cage on the desk.

Oobleck swiftly slammed the cage shut and pulled his fingers back as Qrow attempted to nip him.

"About damn time." James sighed.

"You are a grade A psychopath Qrow." Taiyang said, peering into the cage.

Qrow squawked loud and jabbed his beak in Taiyang's direction.

"Would someone please explain?" Glynda sighed.

"Well... from what I've come to understand Qrow arrived after a very long and exhausting flight. And instead of going to sleep... like any sensible person... he helped himself to Barry's thermos." Peach sighed as Qrow threw himself against the sides of the cage.

"Oh for the Maiden's sakes." Glynda groaned.

"Then he proceeded to shift and had been flying around for..." Port began.

"I don't need to know. Do you think it's safe for Taiyang to take him home Adri?" Glynda said, looking at Peach.

"I would suggest keeping him overnight nearby for observation. Just to be safe." She admitted.

"I have a closet in my living area here on campus where I can release him. The door locks from the outside only." Port offered.

"Use your Aura to lock it Peter. That way Qrow can not escape, even in his human form." Ozpin suggested.

"A very, very good idea Headmaster. We'll see to it right away." Oobleck assured him before rushing the cage and Port away.

"If nobody complains, I'm going home. Nice to see you Glyn." Taiyang said.

"I should be heading to bed. Good night." Peach told them, following Taiyang out.

"And I should be returning to my airship as well. I have an early flight back to Atlas." Jame said.

"Good night James. Thank you for your company." Ozpin told him.

"Thank you for your hospitality. Glynda, it was nice to see you before I had to leave." the other man assured them, kissing her hand politely.

Glynda nodded, allowed the gesture and sighed in relief once the room was empty.

"That was eventful." She admitted as she removed her heels.

"Indeed." Ozpin whispered, leaning forward to remove her cape and plant a kiss on her shoulder all at once.


	2. The Qrow & his Nevermore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summer bought Qrow a gift.
> 
> Qrow discovers it while drunk & chaos ensues... for about three minutes.
> 
> Later... Summer & Tai realize they have excellent blackmail material for later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Live!!!
> 
> I really haven't been in a mood to do much writing lately.. so most of this one sat on my phone for a long time. And tonight it got finished... mostly because I needed a laugh.

"Look who decided to come crawling back." Raven drawled from her perch on the windowsill as the dorm room door opened.

Qrow squinted at her and growled, "Blow me."

"No. Summer left you a gift." She told him before flying off.

Qrow glanced around before spotting something black and fuzzy on his bed.

Crouching down and squinting at it, the fuzzy black mass began to take the shape of a stuffed animal.

More specifically a Nevermore.

He growled and considered leaving a ton of feathers in Summer's bed... or Tai's. 

He was sure the blonde brawler had a hand in this... somehow.

Shifting into his feathers, he stood on the bed beside the tiny Nevermore.

The alcohol in his system dulled his mind more than his changing form had and he screeched softly at the Nevermore.

The other bird didn't react but simply sat there, staring unblinking at him.

He hissed and flared his wings trying to intimidate it... which didn't work.

"Fight me!" He screeched at it.

The other bird sat there silently... not even moving.

With a squawk of anger, Qrow launched himself at the Nevermore... digging talons and beak into it's soft fuzzy body.

He continued to scratch, peck and tear at it for several minutes before the adrenaline drained out of his system.

"Note to self... stop shifting into bird form while drunk off ass." He chirped, before collapsing on the bed.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"Oh my... I don't know if I should laughing or screaming." Summer whispered.

"How about take pictures?" Tai suggested, trying not to laugh.

Qrow had been drunk more times than they could count at Beacon... but this... this was new.

Qrow was asleep on his bed, in his bird form, surrounded by pieces of black fuzz and white stuffing.

Despite the fact that it looked like Qrow had tried to destroy the stuffed bird... he now looked to be cuddling with it.

"If we get him a bigger one... do you think he'll actually nest in it?" Tai asked, only to receive any elbow to the stomach from Summer.


End file.
